Community Convos #3 - Scott Palmer

Steven: [00:00:00] All right, guys, I'm here with Scott Palmer. Scott, thank you for being here, my friend. Yes, sir. Yeah, looking forward to chatting with you. Uh, thank you. Yeah, tell us a little bit more about you. Maybe some of the, some of the, the basics,

Scott: as it were. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Um, let's see. We'll start with just 56

years old. My wife and I will celebrate our 35th. Um, it's my 50th wedding anniversary coming up in December. Congratulations. So, we've been together for a long, long time. We have two amazing adult children. Our daughter has three grandchildren and they obviously occupy a lot of our love and attention and energy as we all pitch in to help them give, uh, give them good life.

So, um, have worked primarily around education, student work, probably since [00:01:00] I was in my 20s. Um, and have done that in a variety of different ways. I kind of look at it today as sort of a coach, um, in regards to just, you know, a life coach, but also had years of working as an athletic coach and then, um, very much as an advocate for kids, uh, who seem to be on the margins, who are a little underrepresented, under resourced, maybe miss coaches.

Represented by societal norms, always been drawn to that student and currently working a program where that is our focus and then, um, very much a mentor and just helping kids kind of getting knee to knee with them and helping them. Be all that they were created to be, help them to see all of their worth, all of their greatness, um, and just be, you know, engaged with them at that level.

So coach, mentor, advocate, truly that's how I see myself today, uh, in what I get to [00:02:00] do for my career. And then it seems like a combination of those things sort of factors into just who I am in society, you know, who I want to be in all of my interactions with people. So yeah, that's a big, big overview for sure.

Right?

Steven: I know. How do you like here? Can you sum up your life as a human 90 seconds? Yeah, right. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you, man. And yeah, I love I love that you work with kids. I know we've talked about that before and Um, what a, uh, what important work and rewarding work. I know it's extremely rewarding to see, um, to see kids get exposed to something new and expand their horizons and their perspectives of what they can be and what their life can be.

Scott: So I love that. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Thank

Steven: you. Beautiful, important work. And you know a lot of the things that you described are. What I try to do with this show, you know, [00:03:00] different, different audience and different venue, you know, but the end, the end goal I think is the same, which is to unleash more life and expand potential and, um, get more life out of

Scott: life.

Yeah. And you and I have both shared those moments when you feel like you were able to kind of lean in with another person and you kind of watched it come alive for them. Um, and just the unbelievable energy that you receive by watching this other person's life just beautifully unfold right in front of them.

And they begin, maybe for the first time, to really understand and tap into who they are and what that could look like to live in that place day to day, man, that's a, that's almost an addictive type of engagement with another person. Uh, to get that feeling, you know, and see that come alive. So beautiful, beautiful work.

Yeah,

Steven: for sure. It is. That's, [00:04:00] um, the thing, the, the thing that gets me by far most excited in my life, but besides something with my kids, I think is anything around that, you know, just like seeing people, um, seeing people open their eyes to a new potential and new, um, future and seeing their life and in different ways.

And so powerful and rewarding. So. Awesome. So how did we, how did we cross paths? How did you come to find the show

Scott: originally? Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Uh, knowing we were going to talk, I kind of reflected back and it was three years ago, this exact time of year that I, I actually never listened to a podcast before and my wife and I had gotten into a discussion and we can get to that here in just a minute, but I'm like, I'm sure I can find podcasts on my phone somewhere.

And I remember going to the little iPhone or I, you know, podcast symbol on my phone and I'm like, Oh, here they are. And I had no idea what I was [00:05:00] doing, but the topic I was looking for based on a conversation my wife had been having, my wife and I had been having. Uh, was around the topic of masturbation.

So I'm like, surely somebody is saying something out there different than anything I've heard. You know, there's got to be, you know, we live in a day and age where we're not just saying the same old thing over and over and over again. Yeah. So somebody's got to be saying it. And so I think I typed in to the search bar.

Um. Healthy masturbation, maybe, or mindful. I'd probably not mindful. That's come to become an awareness. It probably wasn't my initial wording, but something to do with healthy, I would imagine. And you were one of the ones that popped up. So it's ironic that I can literally remember the place I was in my community.

I mean, within probably 15 to 20 feet, literally, of where I was sitting there looking at your podcast, and I was scrolling down [00:06:00] through. the episodes and I found sort of what I thought I was looking for. But you know what's so funny, Stephen, about the conditioning that we have inside of our heads uh, around sexuality is, you know, I had worked really hard to kind of remove myself from You know, pornography and any of those types of distorted things, but there's still things buried deep down in your heart that basically doesn't even allow you to acknowledge sexuality.

You know, uh, almost. And I can literally remember finding the episode I wanted and then was like, ah. Geez, do I, do I actually click on this thing or is this some, you know, rabbit hole that I'm going to get down to and sure enough, you know, I'm going to be back into something I don't even want in my life, you know, but I had that moment of tension.

It was just so ironic. Little did I know that it was about to pop open a door into the expansive place I am today and [00:07:00] continuing to be curious with and moving forward. Little did I know that that moment, I would push that listen. And begin to hear your voice for the first time and immediately resonate with so much, not only the wording, the language, but the spirit, you know, and the realness of it and the humanness of it, it all hit me and I'm like, Oh, my gosh.

And that was the moment. And it was about three years ago right now. Where I first crossed paths with the podcast and then I listened to numerous episodes and I sent you an Instagram message and just thanked you for your presence in the world. Thank you for being a new voice. Uh, thank you for encouraging and challenging people, men in particular, young men in particular, to do it differently.

And I have felt that same call in my life for years, but I just was like, finally, somebody's out there saying it, you know, and you immediately message [00:08:00] back, I think, within hours, and I'm like, oh my gosh, who does this on Instagram, you know, with people you've never met, but it was, it again reaffirmed the personal side of it.

Everything that you do in your work is personal. It's real. It's everyday people. Doing extraordinary things and you sort of create that space and that welcoming everyday spirit. And that was a huge thing. That immediate message back made me feel like, Ah, real man doing real things for the good of others.

And I just linked up from that point forward. So, yeah, that

Steven: was it. Yeah, I'm so glad we did, man. So glad we crossed paths for sure. Yeah, thank you. Me too. Thanks for sharing that. Tell me, tell me more about that conversation with

Scott: your wife. Yeah. Um, interesting because, uh, my wife had put another, put a book in front of me that looked somewhat [00:09:00] engaging.

And I feel like I had this sort of cynical, I'm done reading anything from, you know, mainstream and particular religious. voices around sexual health, sexual topics, I'm just done. You know, it was all this seemed to be so limiting. It seemed to be very constrictive and restrictive. Um, it had maybe not like an overtly shameful thing, but it was, it had a tone of shame and morals and right and wrong and even the extreme language of sin.

And I'm not saying there's none of that wrapped up in it, but It never felt empowering. It never felt encouraging. It never felt expansive, like there's a new way. And intuitively, I think I always knew there was, but at some level didn't have the courage to go after it. But then, didn't even know where to go if I did have the courage.

You know, it was one of those kind of things. [00:10:00] My wife had, uh, and crossed paths with a book and she gave it to me and, you know, initially I looked at it and I'm like, shit, I'm not reading another one of these books, but I popped it open. I'm like, okay, this looks a little different and it was a little different, but ultimately I got into it.

I'm like, no, this is just the same thing, you know, just worded a little softer, but kind of the same thing. Yeah. But in there was a topic about, Masturbation. And, you know, we looked at it, I looked at it, and then I talked to her about a couple things, and, you know, but she wanted to talk about the book, and I'm like, I know what she wants to talk about potentially in that topic, that chapter is probably going to be the chapter we talk about.

And so, knowing that that conversation was probably going to happen, it had been a conversation in our marriage, you know, that was just three years ago, so. We've been together, you know, 30 some years, and this has been an off again, on [00:11:00] again topic. But for the last maybe decade or so, you know, sort of quiet about it.

Um, and not really, you know, a topic. And I kind of knew it was going to come back up when she handed me that book. So I'm like, all right, I got to write some stuff down. You know, I gotta have my thoughts together when this conversation comes up. And so, we talked about it, and I kind of expressed some of my thoughts about it.

It had always been, uh, a part of my life, but always in sort of a very restrictive, sort of secretive, not always distorted way. You know, like not, it wasn't always tied to maybe pornography or something like that. But it was never in a holistic way, or never in a way that was actually life giving. Um, So, you know, I tried to express that to her and tried to express, you know, some elements about it that actually I thought potentially could be life [00:12:00] giving.

But again, it's just one guy talking, you know, it's the husband talking into the husband talking who has, you know, some reasons in the past for her not to want to trust it in my life, you know? Yeah. And so I like, ah, okay, I got it out. I said it. But. I have to have maybe some backup, you know, some support to try and validate just what I intuitively am feeling.

And so, that's what that conversation looked like. Um, and then, obviously I got a hold of the podcast and I began to, you know, share some of the episodes and we began to listen to them. And that's where things really turned, you know, it's interesting in a relationship, communication is everything. But boy, oh boy, communication is not easy and it's layered always because we're both bringing hurt to that conversation many times.

So, yeah, but the one thing my wife really did that was kind of super cool [00:13:00] and she is amazing and she kind of backed it up again was she knew I, I was, I was ready to kind of take off and go, you know, and I kind of had the courage in the moment and I'm like, baby, there's got to be another way. Like, I know what I feel, but I don't really have any tangible ness to that feeling.

And she sort of gave me, not permission, you know, or, you know, conditions. That, that's not healthy, you know, so to speak, in a marriage. But, she sort of gave that acknowledgement of affirmation, like, Hey, I see you. I kind of see what's in your heart and your spirit. Go for it. And that was a really risky thing for her to do.

Yeah. Um, was to kind of say, Hey, there's the open field. Go see what you find. Follow your heart. Trust your spirit. I see you. That was wildly risky of her to do, but she did it and it [00:14:00] changed everything because once I sort of had that sense that my girls in my corner that changed it. Everything about my heart.

Did it always make it easy? No. Did we have ups and downs over the last three years of trying to figure out what this looks like? Were there uncomfortable conversations, misunderstandings, stop starts? All that's been a part of it. But we've never not been engaged together in the process. And man, Steven, that was huge in allowing me to continue to push out to where I knew there was a place to go.

And now have discovered, yes, there is a place to go, but her part in that, I promise you, was crucial for me.

Steven: Yeah, yeah, it makes all the difference in the world when it not only, not only take that, uh, word and practice of masturbation out of the shadows, but then when you actually feel like your partner is on board with, [00:15:00] with you, like you said, when you have, when your girl is behind you, that's a, that's a powerful feeling.

So. Um, awesome. So how, I mean, maybe you can describe like, what is your, what is your solo practice look like today and sort of how does, how is that incorporated into your relationship and how is that different from a few years ago?

Scott: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, it's interesting. Some of the words I wrote down prior to even encountering the podcast that I wanted to kind of share with her.

Was, I wrote down, I think, three different types of masturbation, I think is how I worded it with her. There's a distorted version, very disconnected, disassociated version. And then, I think I used the word intuitive, like it just feels natural. Now, I really had no experience in that, um, because it always felt very unnatural based on, you know, societal and religious [00:16:00] messaging that I had not yet let go of.

But I always sensed there was an intuitiveness to it. It's my body. It's my feelings. But you know, man, the layers to not let that actually be true were still there. But I did write down that word. And then I wrote down these words. I wrote down conscious. masturbation. And that, that's where I actually it's like, babe, this is where I think there's actually something here.

You know, where you actually intuitively, yes, but intentionally engage in this. Again, I had nothing to really say after that. But what I did say to her was it's not always, like, masturbation is not always connected to distortion and to dysfunction. Things that disassociate us from who we are as a person.

Sometimes it actually has the ability to sort of help you engage in who [00:17:00] you are as a person. Totally. And so when I began to kind of word it like that, and then I began to add in, I like, you know, babe, over the last ten years I have masturbated numerous times, many times, and rarely does it And in ejaculation.

I remember telling her that. Well, that was the first time she'd ever heard me say that. Now, by saying that, I wasn't saying I was, it was sort of just my mindset was, well, I don't want to ejaculate because I don't want it to disrupt potentially our sexual interaction, you know, in a, in a depleting way. So I would sort of just masturbate and then you.

Kind of hold on at the end, you know, white knuckle it down the stretch. And then, okay, that's enough. I got to be done that. But, you're actually beginning to sort of build that early, early foundation for what we now [00:18:00] practice in, you know, our edging. I didn't know what I was doing. I just was sort of holding on because I didn't want it to disrupt us as a couple because we did have a very enjoyable, active sex life.

That was sort of my motive for not ejaculating. There was really no other attachment to it. And of course I didn't, I had, I had left the idea of, you know, attaching masturbation to pornography and fantasy and, you know, years and years and, you know, kind of decades ago, you know, had left that because I knew that wasn't serving me.

Um, and it, you know, hindered everything that I wanted to be in the world. But... I still had this sort of low vibe connection to masturbation, but always in a very, you know, private, untalked about. I knew my wife would misunderstand way if it ever came up. And so it was always [00:19:00] in secret. Um, so that, that's kind of where, you know, that entered in, you know, With my own story.

So what that looks like today then, once I began to hear your podcast, and she began to hear the podcast, and we began to understand the, the life energy that moves through us, through, at times, our sexual energy, that can be accessed through masturbation in a, now wording, you know, very intentional, very mindful, meditative, embodied way, Well, that's changed everything because, um, you begin to realize this thing that has always sort of been available to me now is being accessed in a very healthy way and in a very mindful way.

And it has changed literally everything about the way I see myself, the way faith and God resonates inside of [00:20:00] me, the way my interaction with my wife and my family. The love and the connection that I carry in the world, like it has transformed everything because we know everything about distorted sexuality disconnects us from our essence.

Everything about healthy sexuality connects us to our place individually and our place in the world. So the connection that has come from it has been truly life altering, Stephen, without even a doubt. Yeah.

Steven: So beautiful and powerful. Thank you for sharing that. Um, yeah, that's what it really boils down to.

As you said, it's, it's a matter of, are we getting further away from source than from the life force within us or are we getting closer to it? Um, or are we, are, are we kind of stagnating, right? There are a lot of people who, who, um, and I, I think this is probably more common that I've seen in women, but there's a [00:21:00] lot of people who are just very.

Stagnant in their sexuality if they're not going down a negative path, but they're also not so they're not getting further away from source But they're also not getting deeper and what a beautiful journey to recognize that It's something that for so many years was portrayed and Set in your mind and spirit as this You know, negative thing, this shameful thing, this secret thing and the different parts of how it showed up over the years.

What an awesome thing to have that turn into something that can, um, connect you with source and with life force inside of you.

Scott: Yeah, absolutely. And then, you know, through your podcast and then through other just sort of diving in and then going out on a search, almost you begin to encounter. I'll mention the things on your podcast for sure is just the ability to create space that the importance of [00:22:00] that, the intentionality of creating space and time, um, just the emphasis of breathing and the calmness and being able to put your body in a very calm place, which is so counterintuitive to how we feel typically and how society portrays sexual energy moving through a man.

It. It's always very rampant, and it's always very out of control, and it's very wild, so to speak. Um, and so to be able to feel that life move through you and sexual energy, but to be able to keep your body calm, um, in particular, the parts of your body that are really centered, your root area of your body and that region, to keep that calm and relaxed and to keep your heart rate.

You know, steady and to keep your breathing and the breathing techniques that you teach. Like, those were all layers [00:23:00] that I began to add, you know, um, little by little. And each time you add those layers, then you realize, well, there's more here. You know, there's more to be experienced. Um, and just sort of that, if, if I just mentioned, just getting away from feeling like sexual energy is meant to be sort of out of control.

You know, And these peaks and valleys and this hanging on and then thank God I don't have to deal with that for a little bit, you know, like all of that sort of chaoticness that I believe many men carry around sexual feelings and emotions and energy in their bodies just to be able to find balance to that in a, in a, in a normal rhythm that does so much to the soul and spirit of a man to have that moment.

Part of his being that he's known probably since he was 10, 11, 12 years old to have that in alignment with every other part of who you are, [00:24:00] you can't really find good words to describe that difference in, in your day to day experience. Yeah,

Steven: this is true. Very hard to most beautiful things in life I've found are.

Very hard, if not impossible, to truly put, uh, accurate words to, but we tried. Um, yeah, that, it's very true, I think, that for most guys, their sexuality, their sexual energy is totally out of control. It's kind of like, the image that came to mind as you were saying that is that it's kind stallion, and, and taking this, this wild, strong beast that for the most part, Is just pulling you around.

It's like you're getting dragged around by a rope and you're dragging along the ground as it's running around blood and the journey of figuring out how to actually get control of it and recognize the power that's there and work with it and and eventually getting to a place where you have this subtle communication [00:25:00] and the stallion does exactly what you want exactly when you want and now instead of all that power dragging you around and At times feeling like it's kind of brutalizing you now you have access to control all that power and to use it to get where you want to go.

Scott: Man, that's beautiful. I love that word, subtle, man. Because you do begin to find the inter, simple, quiet nuances of your being, um, in ways you never thought were available to you, honestly. And especially through what we would consider this heightened, wild feeling of sexual energy in our bodies. How would I ever be able to find something subtle in that, you know?

But man, it's there, it's available to us. And wow, what a beautiful analogy. Yeah,

Steven: there is so much subtlety. That's, in recent years, more and more, I've realized just how... [00:26:00] deep and subtle our inner world is and the world of energy within us and not just sexual energy. That's certainly including that. But the, you know, I've been meditating for over 10 years now and just that journey of exploring the inner world is one that's been so valuable.

And also one that the deeper I go, the deeper it gets and I realized just how much nuance and subtlety is there. And yeah, certainly when it comes to our sexuality and sexual energy, for most, the reality is I know for most of my life and for most guys, there isn't any subtlety in the sense that they don't have access to the subtlety.

Um, it is a very, it's a more simplistic, out of control kind of thing. And as part of that journey and getting in control and really harnessing it, we realized, wow, there is a lot of depth and nuance there. And as you said, some of the times when [00:27:00] I have the most potent sense of that nuance and subtlety is actually when it's the most intense.

When that arousal is the highest, when that energy is the highest, and it's almost like it gets, it's almost like the energy goes into high depth. At that point. And it gets higher resolution. And it's like you see every little, every little detail a little bit more. Uh, which, yeah. It's very interesting.

Yeah,

Scott: uh. Yeah, that's a whole thing right there. Yeah. And it is, go ahead, go ahead. Ask your next question. Yeah, I was

Steven: just gonna say, so, I would love to hear a little bit more about, and I know we've talked about this privately, but about. How it looks with your wife now, in other words, like one of the things that I know you've heard me talk about the podcast is like, I talk about, okay, you know, talk to your partner, not just in general terms that you have an editing practice, get to the point where you can talk to your partner and say, honey, I'm going to go in the other room and have my editing [00:28:00] practice.

Like, how, how does that look in your day to day relationship in terms of, you know, maybe first of all, you could just describe your practice a little bit, like, do you have a daily practice? What does it look like? Um, I know intention is a big thing for you. And then maybe if you can explain sort of how that currently fits into your relationship and your communication

Scott: with her.

Yeah, yeah, beautiful. If I don't hit a couple of those things, um, bring me back because I want to try and get to all those points. Yeah, I know that was a lot of stuff. Yeah, no, I, I think I got it, but I, but bring me back. I don't mind that at all because they're all incredibly valuable. to discuss quickly, especially in relationship.

So that next morning after my wife and I sort of had that big, you know, where I had all my data and all my words and we're gonna have this big discussion again, you know, that next morning, it actually was a very life giving discussion in it. And I could really sense that she was it. Hearing me in a different place and so the next [00:29:00] morning I kind of woke up and I, she was getting ready to go to work and I did not have to go to work that day.

And so I came down into our bedroom and bathroom and I'm like, babe, I just, I think today I want to do as I told you last night and that is consciously masturbate. Potentially in a known way for the first time in my life. And she's like, great, tell me about it when I get home. That was, I mean, that was the first time at about 53 years where it had ever been at some level normalized and affirmed.

And I remember she went to work and I, and I did create space and I set up a couple, you know, things that were, seemed peaceful and seemed, you know, allowed me to observe nature. And it was a beautiful experience. Um. And so I texted her right after and I said, babe, thank you. I've never felt. Masturbation [00:30:00] in that way, knowing that you knew and that you said, I see you that had never, I've never felt that in my body before.

That's so

Steven: powerful. I mean, sorry, just that alone. A lot of guys will never experience that ever in their entire life. Um, and the feeling that that brings is, is Indescribable, really. I mean, to actually, to do something that for so many guys has lived in this dark place, to just have one other person know, and have it be somebody that's not just another person, but it's your wife, to have her know and be like, yes, I see you, and this is okay.

It's okay. Man, man. Is a game changer, right?

Scott: Oh, I mean, our as a man, you know, I mean, as a man. Really, male sexuality, societally and in the messages of [00:31:00] our culture, there's this illusion that it's built around confidence and conquest, you know, like, we're always locked in, we always understand it, we're just always on top of it, we're always ready.

Well, in reality, the reality of male sexuality is it's very, it's much more subtle than that. I think there's a, an actual spirit and a spirituality to us that we just, Have not known was available to us and the heart of that is about affirmation and connection. I mean, that's really the essence of it. And so when we're out there searching, you know, through all these distorted ways, really behind all of that searching, be it through pornography or one night stands or whatever, really the spiritual.

sacred side of what's going on there is a desire to be affirmed and connect with someone deeply at a heart level. And it's kind of being portrayed in a very [00:32:00] dysfunctional, distorted way. But underneath it all, I believe that's what's going on in the spirit of a man. And so in that moment, my wife chose to look at me and said, I affirm who you are as a man.

And I see where this will lead potentially in our connection. That's literally what was happening in that moment. I didn't know it was happening, but I know now that's what was happening. Yeah. In that, in that first experience. So, Awesome. When she came home then later that day, Um, she said, okay, tell me about it.

Well, you know, I don't like I don't know how to say this out loud. Can I say, I mean, it was just, it was fairly awkward, but then it was sort of nervous to, you know, um, but I went for it and I gave her the details and I gave her the feelings and I gave her the spirit and the presence of it. Um, and that wasn't, that was kind of the step one in, in our journey together.

So, [00:33:00] yeah. What then it became for us was an open communication where I began to, each thing that I would kind of encounter, um, what I, I would say, okay, hey, I'm trying this with breath, or I'm finding healing in this, or I've brought in the idea of intentions, or I'm, I can't get past shame, you know. Um, I would just begin to tell her everything.

Um, and she knew the way our house is set up, you know, there's a real obvious connection or disconnection between where are, where I am in the morning and where she is. So I have a lot of space to do that. And I just began to tell her, you know, this is what this morning look like. Maybe I use this particular frequency.

Um, it was more meditative or more, it was more energetic. I just began to tell her the story of the journey. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, it, it seemed like, okay, this is [00:34:00] going well. And then other times it didn't, or there would be sort of a, a lapse in that communication. And then, you know, doubt would creep in or distrust would creep in and we'd have to kind of re up.

On, on that value of talking it out together. Um, but she is 100 percent aware, uh, of its value, of the way I set up intentions in the morning. Um, I often tell her how, what was moving through my spirit, uh, in that moment. Um, there's, you know, obviously times, most of the time in my solo practice, I would say 95.

percent of the time. Uh, there is no ejaculation, um, because I know we're going to be with her. So, I'm being with her and that, that's that beautiful connection for us. So, I don't feel as drawn to that in my solo practice, but there are times that I do for a variety of [00:35:00] reasons, uh, be it something, you know, healing thing or a creativeness inside of me, something needs to move and I will often tell her what was behind that, you know, and we'll communicate.

What that moment was about. So all of those things are what has sort of drawn us together in, in that connection. And my edging practice is, I would say, six days a week for sure. Um. 30 to 45 minutes a day for sure, give or take some along the way. Um, I call it layers, Stephen. I don't know how you do it, but I, I'm sort of intuitive in the morning where I'm like, okay, what does this look like for me?

I know I have the time slotted for it, but what I want it to look like. So, sometimes I will add music or frequency or something like that. We've talked on the inner circle. I do enjoy using A blindfold or something to cover [00:36:00] my eyes. And if not, that darkness is great. Um, so that I can really kind of get inward and sort of go deep inside myself and not have visual distractions from around the room or whatever.

Yeah. Um, I very much we have a couple big open windows, um, in our living area. So I love to sort of connect into nature. Um, or if the stars are out or the moon is out, um, connect to those energy sources in our world during that time. But, um, it is very, very focused in an embodied, almost sort of somatic way where I'm just touching and tapping into my whole being, like my whole body, if you want to say, is being a part of that edging or masturbation practice.

Um, Yes, the energy is moving, you know, through an erection and through that arousal and that energy, but it's [00:37:00] literally a full body experience that involves touch on many parts of my body. Um, and then the, the, the intentions, be it a word or be it the spirit of something, um, is it something that I'm trying to, you know, bring forth in a creative way?

Is it something that I'm trying to intuitively? listen into or feel into and be inspired moving forward and kind of want a new burst of thought or inspiration around it. But intentions are a huge part of that practice. Um, we do live in a very rural setting. So when time and weather allows being outdoors is That's probably one of the most powerful things when you connect sun and wind and trees and earth and ground and rock.

When you connect all of that, that is greater than you and will far surpass your time [00:38:00] here on earth. When you connect your life to that life, Stephen, as you know, those are transformational moments when you real. And it's not. Heightened arousal. It's heightened gratitude and humility and a humbleness almost that.

Wow, I have all this moving through me, but it is far greater than me. You know, it just it's available to me, but it's not me. It's all that is bigger than me. Those moments are transformational moments and help you see the world and your place in it. Unbelievably different. So yeah, all those things go

Steven: ahead.

Connecting with nature in general. We'll do that and connect and absolutely combining Nate. I mean, in my experience, in my view, there's two ways generally that I feel most connected to God or [00:39:00] source or universe. So however you want to refer to it. Um, outside of relationships, you know, I mean, I certainly feel it in that, but in terms of just within my own being, there's basically two ways.

One is in nature and one is through sexuality. And when we combine those two, um, good things happen. So, yeah, that's absolutely, um, again, when time and weather and all of that allows one of my favorite things as well is to, um, have that edging practice outside, have sex outside, have had the opportunity to have that.

You know, a number of times over the years and yeah, anytime we can bring our sexuality and nature together Is a beautiful thing and that might even be you know for guys out there It might even be you know Sit sit on the floor near a window where Sun is shining salute where Sun is shining through that window and and at least get that Yeah, I know we're coming into winter and I a little bit mourn the loss of my outdoor edging sessions as part of winter coming on but [00:40:00] Even finding ways to do that.

I think the more we can connect nature with our sexuality and better Yeah, one thing that you know, I'm sure that the guys listening Can tell this by now, but one of my favorite things about you is the way that you improve approach life with intention and mindfulness and the way that you think through things and Uh, it's very beautiful and very powerful.

I wanted to talk more about intentions when it comes to edging, but before we do, I just wanted to loop back to one question in regards to your wife, which is, How has it affected your sex life with her? Right, like we've talked about the communication around your edging practice and all that, but in terms of the two of you actually having sex, Um, has it been a good thing for that?

Has it been a bad thing for that? How has it affected your actual, um, when you two come together?

Scott: Yeah. Uh, beautiful question. Um, part of it is we had, you know, my wife here this [00:41:00] year had a full hysterectomy. So her, you know, that sort of the sexual energy center of her world was altered drastically. Um, so we've had to be very intentional about what that looks like for us moving forward, not only in how she feels, but literally how the body is now, you know, put together internally.

So we've had to be very, very, uh, intentional around that. Well, what's been beautiful is that you, once you begin as a man to be able to hold your sexual energy and the presence that you have for yourself, that also translates then in your ability To hold that present for your wife or your partner in a radically different way.

There's not a directional end game per se, but it's a, it's an experience as a whole. It's an intimate moment upon moment upon [00:42:00] moment versus this sort of linear get aroused, penetrate, ejaculate, done. mentality. And so we have over the last two or three years, really understood that by us sort of taking ejaculation off the table as an assumed outcome or the assumed finish of our time together, that has changed our ability to then what else is available to us?

You know, can we start differently? Can we end differently? What happens in between and women, unfortunately, I think, again, because societally there is that expectation that that is the sign that a man had a good time or, or, you know, was, was pleased in that, you know, that he was able to ejaculate and if he doesn't, or he's not even able to get an erection, then there's this, Oh no, [00:43:00] what did I do wrong?

He's not into me kind of a feeling. He's And so when you begin, when you kind of take that whole thing off the table and together you just begin to explore and be curious and take your time and slow it down and there's not that linear sort of model that we hear talked about in Western, you know, sex education.

Yeah. My goodness, that changes everything for us. And so even the ability that I've noticed, the edging practices. Helped me be able to build a far greater container to hold sexual energy within me. Which then allows me to remain way more present with the nuances of my wife. And especially now that her body, uh, and her hormones have changed drastically.

We can sort of hold those moments and not rush through them. But also not be worried about. [00:44:00] Or. You know, be affected by that time that it takes to kind of figure that out. So, it has been really, really impactful, uh, in our relationship, and the ability to communicate, um, and be with her arousal, and be able to just, um, sort of hold mine at a place where it's okay, and it doesn't need to go up or down.

Um, but it's fully engaged with hers, uh, and then many times, you know, we'll get to the end, um, and we're like, are you good, baby? I'm good. We wrap up and we go to sleep. And that doesn't look anything like maybe what the first 25 or 30 years of our sex together looked like. It seemed to always end in an ejaculation.

And by just taking that off. The table as far as a determined outcome or objective has [00:45:00] really allowed us to be much more fluid and engaged and communicative and intimate and really tap into that sacred connection that we can have as we share our sexual energy back and forth. So beautiful, transformational again, I

Steven: love it, Scott.

I love it so much. Um, it's, there's a lot of guys, I think that, especially in the context of a, of a relationship and having sex with their partner, where the idea of not ejaculating seems like this giving up something huge. Like, why on earth would I not do that?

Scott: And,

Steven: and my experience has been that it's like, you know, it's like trading a dime for a dollar.

I mean, you're not, are you, are you technically not doing something? And in so much, are you sort of giving it up? Yes. But what you get in return for that? is is incredible. And as you said, it's like maybe it happens, maybe it doesn't happen. But as soon as you take that off the table as the determined outcome, [00:46:00] one of the things that happens when we have an outcome like that is that it's very hard to actually pay as much attention to the journey in the moments along the way.

And as soon as we remove the outcome, then the journey in the moments It's all that's left, right? So we have, we have no other choice but to bring our full attention and awareness to it. And yeah, as you said, there's a definite journey for women to go on as well in understanding these things in reprogramming.

As you said, a lot of women have this idea that, oh, you know, if he's not super hard, it means he's not attracted to me. If he doesn't ejaculate. It means he didn't have a good time. If I make him ejaculate, that's, you know, winning. And that's, uh, there's, there's so much of this weird psychological stuff that we, that we need to peel away to get to even much deeper, um, [00:47:00] essence.

And,

Scott: yeah. Absolutely. I love

Steven: that the two of you are exploring that and feeling that. It's a

Scott: beautiful thing. Yeah, my wife has done a great job of knowing You know, my intentions around being responsible with ejaculation, you can say, you know, semen retention or semen intention, you can say conscious ejaculation, being responsible, any of those words, but the essence is, um, to treat it with honor, to treat it with respect and to not just simply abuse that, you know, that ability to do it and really put intention and honor around it and Hold that life within you.

So my wife, as in our conversations, understands that. So then when it does happen together, she's incredible. Like, it's a real celebratory thing versus this mundane, always happens thing, and it [00:48:00] gets highlighted. And I even have heard her say when she knows I did, she will say, Oh, babe, I celebrate that with you.

You know, because it's not maybe been the last four times that we have been, and that's been great, too. But when it does, she's very, very conscientious to say, okay, that was different, and I celebrate that with you. Again, one of those incredible affirming, connected things that I think a man's spirit is just waiting to hear that from his wife or his partner in that way.

So. Beautiful again. I applaud my amazing wife.

Steven: Yeah, I love it. I applaud the two of you together. I mean, that takes if there's anything that takes two, it's that it's, it's working, working through our sexuality together and it takes both people being, you know, both people being open, being willing to step into uncomfortable conversations, being willing to open their mind, being willing to let [00:49:00] go of these old ideas and things that have been instilled.

I love it. Through society and our upbringing and all of these things. Yeah. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing on both of you I love that you're I love that for you guys that you're Continuing to not only can I mean look at Scott you mentioned you're 56, right? A lot of guys a lot of guys at 56 Are losing touch with their sexuality.

They're losing the function of their sexuality You know, and, and there it's a decline and what I see in you is the opposite. It's only as these years go on and in recent years, especially there's an expansion and there's an expansion of what you're experiencing alone. There's an expansion of what you're experiencing together, and

Scott: that's a beautiful thing.

Absolutely it is. Yeah, that expansive when you walk up to that door and walk through it, you realize, oh, my goodness. [00:50:00] Yeah, there's a lot out here, you know, yeah, so many men never get to that door and That's what we're about indeed to bring that awareness to the men. Absolutely.

Steven: Absolutely Talk to me about the word intention, you know, that's something we've mentioned that a couple times in this call, but more so than I Think more so than anybody that I've met The way that you bring intention into your life, but also into your sexuality and into your edging practice, uh, is beautiful.

So what does that word mean to you? Uh, what is that? How does that play into your practice? Mm hmm.

Scott: Mm hmm. I think if, if you were to cut me open and say, what is the essence of Scott Palmer, you know, in the world? I'm a human spirit guy, you know, like that's the ultimate why for me. is to see the human spirit flourish.

So, to me, intentions are about [00:51:00] accessing and articulating what makes your human spirit flourish. What makes it come alive. What reproduces life over and over and over again. Uh, sort of that core essence of who we are as a person. The intentions of that place Are the ones that get that place to expand and do things that you didn't know you could possibly do because it's the core of who you are.

And it's the why, the creator, love, God, the energy of the, of the creator. When, when it formed you, that sort of essence of who you are is tapped in there in the human spirit. And so intentions to me are about getting those things to sort of be burst and come alive within you, uh, in ways. So, internally, if I work on something, I'm trying to, like, [00:52:00] contemplatively, meditatively sit with what is the essence of me?

Who, who am I? What makes me feel alive and come alive? What makes life flow through me? And then, as those... things come out, then they sort of become my intentions, like I'm going to put focus, I'm going to put energy, I'm going to put thought and spirit and mind and emotion behind those things that sort of surface, whatever they might be, be it love, be it connection, um, be it healing, you know, whatever those things are, those then become the thing that I put my intention or focus on.

And then if it's towards somebody else, My intentions are to say, who? Who are you? What is it that we can find in you to make you come alive? So to be intentional with another person is to literally sit [00:53:00] with their human spirit. Ask the hard questions, ask the wildly curious questions, reimagine, renegotiate things that they thought they had to be.

And sort of reimagine what they might be able to become. Like, that's where intention plays in for me. And so, in the edging practice, I think, again, if you think of male sexuality as primarily, we've been taught it's a very reactive state. Um, where we're sort of in our sympathetic nervous system in which it's very hyper reactive.

What the edging practice does is it takes you out of that sympathetic and it moves you over into your parasympathetic and it puts your mind in the prefrontal lobe of your brain where all this creativity and all this imagination and all this awareness. Well, that's a breeding ground for intentions, you know, [00:54:00] like you, you lay intentions in that space and you're gonna find stuff.

Um, and things are going to be created in there and your spirit, your human spirit will be moved in that place. And so that's what the edging practice does, is it just creates that place for those intentions to become alive, uh, within you. And one of the guys the other day on the Inner Circle asked me, you know, where I was talking about my morning session and a couple things I did.

And he said, did you feel heightened arousal in those? And I'm like. You know what? I kind of forgot about arousal. I wasn't even thinking about arousal, and I was just aware of the space that my energy and my intentions could sort of come together, and I was just overwhelmed by what I was experiencing and seeing.

So, that's what intentions do for me, is it taps into the human spirit within me, and then it helps me, [00:55:00] connect to the human spirit of those around me, um, and making that the priority. So yeah, I, I hope that makes sense as I tried to explain that. But intentions are the connection to the human spirit for me, and that's what I am a human spirit guy.

Love it. That's the most important thing. I love it. You're a beautiful

Steven: man, Scott, and yeah, it makes, it makes sense to me. And I mean, listen, ultimately. We're creators, and we're creators in every moment. Every, every moment of our life, we're creating, or at least we have the opportunity to create. And intentions, intentions are the foundation of creation.

We, we don't, nothing, nothing gets created unless we have the intention to do that. And so that's what I think bringing intention into more of our life, certainly into our edging practice, but into as much of our life as we can [00:56:00] facilitate us becoming more expansive creators is the way that I see it. Use that word re imagine.

I love that word re imagine. That's something that. Man, what an opportunity we all have to reimagine ourselves, to reimagine our sexuality. I mean, I know a lot of guys who find this show, listen to this show, and go on this journey. There's a huge reimagining of what's possible and what this part of their life looks like and what they can do.

That's one of my favorite things to see in guys is when they... You know, often in the beginning stages of this journey, they, uh, uh, a flip or a switch flips and they all of a sudden, their perspective of what they think is possible for them and what they're capable of, all of a sudden, it's like the old shell that defined what they were capable of cracks and now [00:57:00] there's this, okay, like, I get to reimagine, like, what am I capable of?

What can I really do? Um, Which is, um, which is a beautiful thing, something you just kind of skimmed over a little bit that I wanted to come back to, which is, um, having an overwhelming and beautiful experience mastermating. Like, I think the vast, vast majority of men out there have never and will never have what I think they would describe as like, Overwhelming or amazing experience masturbating.

Um, I know I never did until, you know, until finding my way to a different path. Talk to me about that. I mean, is that something that you ever, did you ever experience that in your youth or earlier years and, and, and how often does that kind of experience happen, happen now?

Scott: Yeah. Yeah. The answer to that first 50 years of my life.

No, [00:58:00] right. Easy answer. Right. Not overwhelming. Unless you consider three minutes in the corner of a closet somewhere overwhelming. If that's your definition of overwhelming, then that's it. Okay, you got it. But no, no, no, no. And so what, what's been interesting is, um, yes, and it's fun because even today, like, especially a year, two years ago, maybe when I was still trying to even entertain the idea that this was going to become a part of my life in the moment, it would feel very overwhelming and then I would sort of get out into society.

I'd get in a meeting or I'd get in a gathering of people and I'd look around and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, what am I doing? I'm completely crazy. You know, there's no way this is real because no one else is doing it. You know, there's there's the measure of value because no one else is doing it. But it is that funny feeling like there's no one in this room right now that would understand [00:59:00] the value and the overwhelming present that a holistic embodied need.

Edging or self pleasure or solo masturbation time would create. Nobody in this room understands what is available in that moment. So yes, it does feel sort of awkwardly isolated. But yet, on the other side of it, no one in that room could talk you out of the experience either. Because it's not ideology, it's not hypothetical.

It actually is an experience that you're engaged in that is changing your life. So. They're questioning you, would not allow you to have questions because you've experienced something radically different. And so, yes, that overwhelming experience is, it just continues to flourish and it just continues to grow.

And, you know, I have begun. to sort of make it a [01:00:00] common part of conversation and in places that feel safe and respected and, you know, shared depth of relationships. But one night we're sitting with some of our close friends and my wife says to me, she goes, Hey, you need to tell them about some of the things that you're experiencing around, you know, you know, sexual health and your edging and things like that.

And I'm like, Oh, Okay, we're going down this road. I see, you know, all right, let's do it. Okay, here we go. Well, you know, I did my best to kind of stumble my way into that first sort of explanation of it, you know, but it's gotten easier over times because you begin that experience, that overwhelming ness.

You begin to be able to articulate that. The more times you talk about it, um, and so I've begun to share it with, you know, close friends of mine, family members just talked about it with a guy that's been a part of [01:01:00] my life for years the other day on the, on the phone and it's not, it doesn't feel awkward anymore to talk about it because that overwhelming experiential thing, um, has raised in its value and what it does for your life.

Um, and so, you know, You can get into that moment and you sort of forget actually what you're doing to make that heightened life energy move through you. You sort of forget about it. It's not really masturbation anymore. It's just what you're doing to access life within you and it becomes far more than that.

Yeah.

Steven: Yeah. It becomes something greater for sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. That, every time I have a little moment or every time I have an experience, which is not, you know, I think the way that we approach our edging practice ought to be the way we approach our meditation, which is ideally the way we approach our life, which is from a [01:02:00] state of curiosity and from a state of not having expectations.

Right. That very important, I think, actually, to differentiate between intention and expectation. Like we can absolutely we can set an intention and mostly our intention is about how am I approaching this our intention isn't oh This is what's gonna happen in this situation. Our intention is how am I gonna show up to the situation?

So beautiful, you know Approaching our edging practice with with with curiosity with no expectations is very important So certainly every you know, every time I have an edging session, it's not this You know, amazing, um, overwhelming kind of thing, but sometimes it is, and I have these moments during the practice or afterwards where, you know, similar to moments that I've had with a partner where it's just like, wow, like, wow, that was amazing.

And when that happens, every time I have a little kind of moment after the fact, when I come out of that session where I stop and pause and I just recognize. How [01:03:00] awesome that is because I went so much of my life, not only not having those kind of experiences in masturbation, but not even realizing they were possible.

I mean those, those kind of experiences were, were only occasional even having sex. They never happened alone and to have them happen alone on a regular basis is, um. is incredibly powerful. So, yeah, and it

Scott: does something. It does something for you, Stephen, when you have the ability to sort of cultivate and raise that energy within you and keep that energy at a, let's say, in your arousal track of a one through 10, you can keep it at that 789.

You can keep it there for extended periods of time, be it 20 minutes or 30 minutes or whatever, and you can keep it there. Like that in and of itself just brings this sense of steadfastness to you because so much of our story, we [01:04:00] went from level three or four to 10 and literally had no awareness of anything in between, you know, and to be able to get it there and then hold it there and to be present in that and to actually truly be engaged in what am I feeling?

What am I thinking? What am I sensing? And really be able to articulate it in that place. And then to let it, by choice, come back down. You can carry that present into your day to day when you're out in a relationship, or you're out in a meeting, or you're in a classroom, or you're in a, you know, courtroom, or you're on the corner with a shovel, and something raises your internal emotion.

And you can then stay present in that raised emotion and then let yourself come out of that without feeling like you're, you have to go, you know, do something in a distorted way to kind of [01:05:00] mend that heightened emotion and sort of numb it or cover it up or dismiss it. You can be present in it while it rises and then you can come out of it in a very calm and present way.

I mean, those are skills that you can learn in edging as we know. That then transfer into our daily lived experiences to help us be better men in the world and how we carry our presence and our energy and our love and care and kindness in the world. Those are all residual benefits that come from that.

Steven: Yeah, so many amazing benefits that filter through, as you said, the developing discipline and that curiosity and the subtlety and the nuance and connecting deeper with life force. And as you said, being able to move through intensity, there's no question that both my edging practice as well as practicing retention and just the overall approach to sexuality has used the word [01:06:00] steadfast, which is a great word.

And that's a word that I felt that carried through the rest of my life where I can more effectively move through challenging situation because I'm more in touch with a deeper, calmer strength. And that has a lot of that certainly has come from that. One thing that I think is incredible about our sexuality and the rest of our life is that they, they feed into each other.

But a lot of times as our sexuality goes, so goes our life. And you see that play out in people and the beautiful thing with, you know, our. Having a mindful edging practice and approaching our sexuality in this way is that it carries through that way in a beautiful and powerful way. We have this container where we can develop this connection with ourself, the connection with life force.

We have this container where we can build our discipline, where we can build our energy levels and raise our [01:07:00] vibration and raise our understanding and our emotional intelligence. I mean, ultimately, arousal... is an emotion. Sex, sexuality is an emotion and as we increase our ability to speak that language, we increase our ability to speak the language of all emotions, the more in touch with that deeper place inside of ourselves that we get.

So, what a beautiful thing the way that it carries through to the rest of our life. I've, man, I mean, I'm a totally different man. Um, In a lot of ways, in the rest of my life today, because of the way that I've approached my sexuality, it's absolutely changed the rest of my life in undeniable

Scott: and powerful way.

Man, that is so true. You know, Stephen, the word that has guided me in the last year, um, I think all of 23, that has just made, uh, my awareness around sexual energy and health. Is the word surrender actually, you know, as I've [01:08:00] surrendered into that life within me, that life has manifest itself in a greater way.

I mean, there's that kind of that idea that I have to sort of prop it up and build it up, so to speak, and I have to sort of manipulate it to go somewhere. And I have found that as I sort of surrender into that life energy within me, that's when it really sort of catches fire. Uh, the surrendering side of it, like it's, I, I, I melt into that and become one with it.

And that's when it really sort of lights up and then catches fire, so to speak, and then infiltrates my heart, my mind, my emotions, my faith. That's when it really ignites into that. But it's in the last year, I think the word that has guided me the most in tuning into my sexual energy is the word surrender.

Steven: I love it. Surrender. That's a powerful word indeed. And most of, [01:09:00] yeah, I mean, most of our growth comes from letting go. And so when you, I mean, let's look at that word surrender. What is that? I mean, that means you literally you're giving something up, you're letting it go. Right. And so as you dive deeper into your practice, into your energy, into yourself.

You're letting go of, uh, you know, you're letting go of limiting beliefs, you're letting go of past patterns, you're letting go of societal expectations. And then you're getting to a point where even you're letting go of the body itself. And you're letting go of, you're letting go of your name and your identity and you get to a point where you're just consciousness and energy.

That, that's, and this I know will, uh, We're going to be diving into this book, uh, Becoming Supernatural together, and that's something that we'll see as we go through that book is that in order to dive to the full depths of the energetic realm, we have to surrender everything, everything, everything else.

[01:10:00] The only thing, it's like there's a doorway to walk through that world. To, or what there's a doorway to walk into that world of energy and we cannot take anything with us through that door except for our awareness, that's it. So I love that word surrender. There's so much power in that. And most of the times in most aspects of our life, when we have challenges or issues or things that we're struggling with, very often the solution is to say, what do I need to let go of?

Man. Um, true. We often get in this, Oh, I got to create and build. And yeah, that's true. And yeah, we do need to do need to take action. But a lot of times the most powerful stuff is, is okay. What can I release?

Scott: What can I let go of? That's beautiful. And surrender has a little bit of a give in. Tone to it. You know, like I had to give in and surrender and that's not the tone we're talking about.

It's that willful letting go kind of [01:11:00] resting back into it. Yeah, that's what we're talking

Steven: about and and resting in faith. I mean, ultimately, the only the only way that you can surrender is if you have faith. Right, because that's, you're absolutely the, the more you let go of everything else. We try to hold on to all this stuff.

We try to hold on to our identity and our body and our, you know, house and our title and our, we try to hold onto to all this stuff. And the more of that, that we're gonna let go of, the only way we can let go of it, let go of it, is if we have faith in

Scott: something deeper. Bingo. Absolutely. Absolutely. The infinite bigger, the infinite greater.

Yeah. Um. Putting faith in that, you're good. You can surrender into that. Indeed. That's beautiful. Let me

Steven: ask you, Scott. Has, has surrendering in the way that you've described or, um, having faith. Or moving into the unknown. Have any of those things ever served you poorly in your life? Have any of those things, [01:12:00] have they ever had a bad outcome?

No. Okay.

Scott: No. I just wanted to clarify

Steven: that because we can pretty much, we can pretty much rest in certainty knowing that moving into the unknown, it's gonna be a good thing. Having faith, it's gonna be a good thing. Letting go and surrendering, it's gonna be a good thing.

Scott: Yes, absolutely. Without question.

That is the way forward.

Steven: Yeah, indeed. Um, let's take just a quick minute and talk about Inner Circle. Um, I know, so, uh, you were in Inner Circle from the very beginning, Scott, from the very beginning and which has been awesome. Um, talk to me about your experience and what you've seen in terms of kind of recent um,

Scott: changes.

Yeah, um, I, I absolutely I still get caught off guard by just the inner circle experience, um, because it, it is connecting me to what I didn't think was ever going to [01:13:00] exist in society. And that was, you know, man gathering to be able to heal together. You know, I mean, we talked about that in a joking way that, you know, tucked away in a closet for three minutes, but in reality, there's You could put that as sort of an overriding way to describe men's sexuality.

It's been this very isolated, sort of unmentionable thing. And when it does get mentioned, it's always, um, in a... distorted way or it's in an oppressive way or it's in a very hurtful way and so I just always had this sense like this has to change societally and you created this podcast and then out of it birthed the inner circle and so I'm constantly caught off guard by the men that are gathering in the inner [01:14:00] circle to do the things that I never thought I would see men do.

And a couple of times here recently, we've had some men who joined and literally they've said, I just found you yesterday and I can't believe I found what I found, you know, and I'm like, yes, I get that, bro. I get that. I'm so happy for you. Yes. You know, and then they immediately engage, um, in that process of doing what I didn't think would ever, ever happen.

be done societally. And so that continues to inspire me. The other thing is, I've always sort of had this a little bit of a I've rejected the, the men's group things. Because I never felt like there was just always too much posturing. And, you know, one upsmanship. And it was ego. And it was Uh, competitive, you know, who's got the best story or whatever, you know, and I'm like, ah, that just is so nauseating to me.

It never [01:15:00] resonated with me. What I'm finding in the inner circle is this is a group of guys and I sense none of that. It's the kindest, uh, most heartfelt, loving, nonjudgmental, empowering. One to another group of men I've ever associated with in my life. And I've been a part of incredible groups of men, but it's never felt like this.

There's always been sort of those twinges of posturing and one upsmanship. And who has the highest rung on the ladder. And who can cast the most subtle judgment. You know, that kind of stuff. I don't pick up any of that in the inner circle. Everybody is in it for one another, and it's no judgment, and there's not, you know, these moral failure discussions that are happening.

Everybody's honest and transparent and [01:16:00] vulnerable, but everybody stands with one another, um, to move forward together. And that has been so encouraging to me, and I love being a part of it. I love watching it grow, and I'm continually caught off guard with elation when new guys enter with sort of that burst of energy, almost as if they're catching oxygen for the first time.

You know, that feeling, you know, like sexual energy and sexual stories have sort of been the bully on the block who have us by the neck on the ground. And all of a sudden you The bully gets knocked off of you and you sit up and you breathe after having sort of the Suffocating feeling and you look around you're like, oh my gosh This feels so good to not have the bully on me.

I Love that feeling of the guys that get in the inner circle Yeah Sort of bring that breath [01:17:00] that first breath of awareness that there could be more around their holistic alignment with who they are Sexually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of those things coming together. Man, that's a beautiful feeling, and I love it, and we're seeing it.

Yeah,

Steven: it is, absolutely. Thanks for sharing that. And I echo what you said in regards to the... Everybody, I think, in the group that I've seen, um, has a desire for truth and high vibrations for all. Like there's, as you said, there is no judgment, there is no posturing, there is no... You know, there's none of that.

It's just, um, guys coming with, uh, with heart and soul and a desire to be the best they can be and a desire to see the same in others. Um, and yeah, I've, I've loved it. I've been super grateful to get to know guys that way. And to witness, as you said, it's amazing to witness. I [01:18:00] love witnessing all the parts of the journey, you know what I mean?

But there is something. There's something special about those first, you know, few days, few weeks, few months even of guys kind of finding their way to This path of finding their way to the podcast in a circle. There's just this as you said, it's like breathing. It's like This big breath of life and breathing in more life.

It's a beautiful amazing thing. So yeah I love to see it Awesome, man. Well, it's great to talk to you. Other. What else? Uh, what else would you like to touch on? Any thoughts that you want to share with the tribe?

Scott: Um, I, I don't, um, particularly, but I do have that sense that, you know, I mean, as we move, you know, where are you might be listening to this podcast for the first time or you're just sort of catching it early on and you haven't joined the inner circle or wherever you are at in the journey.[01:19:00]

I think there are three things that sort of stick out to me and I kind of hit me this morning when I was thinking about it and I'll just mention them quick and, and then that, that'll be good for me. But I had this thought that no matter where we are at in the journey, there is, there has to be gratitude for the present moment.

Where I am right now, if gratitude is a part of where you are right now in the journey, you're, you're in a good place. And then as you attempt to move forward. I believe the word for moving forward in the journey is curiosity and even intuitive curiosity, but ensure. I think community is also a part of that.

Curiosity moving forward. So sort of all of that. But community intuitive curiosity, I think, are the way forward for us. But then I think their last part is no matter where you are in the journey, there's always value. In going back into your [01:20:00] story to potentially renegotiate things that were placed on you to reimagine things that you sort of were never given permission to imagine in the first place or parts of our story that we willfully were a part of that were destructive to ourself or to others.

And we go back in and we mend that in our own spirit and in our own heart. Uh, with grace and love. So there has to be a consistent courage to go back into our story and do the work to sort of get us in alignment to be full of gratitude in the moment so that with curiosity, we can walk together moving forward.

So I think those three places, no matter where we are, I think we can relate to all three of them together. on an ongoing basis. Those are not one and done things. Those are constantly coming back to those moments of gratitude, [01:21:00] curiosity and courage. Um, as we as we are in community together. Amen.

Steven: Amen. I don't know what else to say to that.

That's perfectly, perfectly worded. And I couldn't agree more. And I will say that gratitude is Here's the thing, you guys, if we want to bring, if we, we all have dreams, visions, desires, changes, all these things, right? We have stuff that we want to bring into our life experience is all of that. The ultimate state of receivership in your life is gratitude.

There's nothing that puts you in a state of being ready to receive things into your life and in a state of magnetically drawing things into your life. Nothing puts you into that state like gratitude. So if you're ever, if you're ever unsure of how to move forward on your path, or you feel stuck, or you know, you hit some kind of wall, gratitude is always the place to come [01:22:00] back to.

Gratitude for what is right now. And Scott, as we talked about, um, that quote of the generous present moment, right? And gratitude for not only the things that we recognize as being in the present moment, But gratitude for everything because that future is now to time is not this linear thing, right? So we can have gratitude for things that haven't been and that haven't come into Physical reality in our world.

Yeah, we can have gratitude for those and not only can we we need to we've got to approach all Of that with a plate

Scott: from a place of gratitude. Oh Those are good magnetic. I love that connection To the word gratitude. It is. It's the thing that pops that magnetic draw in. Uh, that's a beautiful analogy you just made there.

Thank you. Yeah,

Steven: absolutely. Well, thank you again for coming up.

Scott: Absolutely. I'd love to publicly say thank you, brother. Uh, I truly do [01:23:00] love you. Um, we have not yet crossed paths personally. Uh, I hope to one day in the future, but I truly do love you. I honor you. I thank you. Uh, for the place that you've created in the world for these things to come alive.

Um, and I just, man, often I'm very much, uh, overwhelmed, uh, by the work that you do every day. And at some point had to have the courage enough to start. Uh, so thank you, brother. Love you very much.

Steven: Thank you for sharing that, Scott. I love you too, bro. And the thing that one of the things that I love about you is all of this stuff that you've talked about in this.

In this, um, conversation, you embody, like when you say words like intention, you don't just talk about it, you live it, you embody it as a part of who you are, and, um, I appreciate your example, and I appreciate the energy that you bring into the world, and, Um, the energy that you've always [01:24:00] brought into our conversations, internet interactions.

I very much look forward to that in person meeting. It's only a matter of when not in my mind. Yep. Um, so yeah, thank you for being you, man. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you're in this world. Glad we crossed paths and I'm very much looking forward to continuing this journey together. It's going to be, um, a beautiful

Scott: thing.

Absolutely. Lifelong, my friend. Absolutely. Very much

Steven: looking forward to it. Okay, well, thanks again for being here. Thank you guys for listening. I really appreciate all of you guys and thanks for hanging with me. This, uh, you know, doing conversations is a bit new. So if any of you guys have gone back and listened to the first few episodes I did of the podcast itself, you'll know that I've gotten a little bit better since then.

And, um, as, which is as it should be. And. I will hopefully be doing the same thing with these conversations bringing as much Of the amazingness out of these guys as possible because as you've heard from [01:25:00] scott today um Scott is a beautiful example. There are a lot of amazing powerful heart driven Purpose driven men out there and I want you to hear more from them.

So scott. Thank you for being that Thank you for setting that example and thanks for coming to talk to

Scott: us today Thank you for the honor and the privilege of getting to share with you, man.

Steven: Okay. I love you, brother. Have a great rest of your day. All of you guys have an awesome day.

Community Convos #3 - Scott Palmer
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